


(because we are meant to be)

by kihovely



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dates That Aren't Dates, Dry Humping, First Kiss, Getting Together, Holding Hands, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Interrupted Weddings, M/M, Pining, Soulmates, Time Travel, kihyun's cat appears too, one sided love (but not really)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 15:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17810888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihovely/pseuds/kihovely
Summary: If you had the chance to go back to being 19 and change things, would you?Kihyun would, and he's ready to do anything to be with Hoseok.Even if that means interrupting a wedding.





	(because we are meant to be)

**Author's Note:**

> uuuh hello!! ❤️ i'm back with this story! it's an old story of mine (back from when i wrote for my previous fandom, if you have read it already please don't sue me, i'm the author ahgsdhsa) but i adapted it to kiho and added some stuff as well ;u; i hope you will enjoy it as much as i did! ❤️❤️

 

_“Standing proudly in the middle of the corridor, puffed, flushed cheeks and eyes almost inappreciable behind the glasses, Kihyun rises his chin up and looks at the woman in front of him, who is half-startled, half-smiling._

_“I promise I'll take care of Hoseok for the rest of my life!” he says, fire burning through his eyes, determined to keep up his promise forever._

_Hoseok is standing next to his mother, looking at Kihyun in awe, and smiles happily before wrapping the boy in a tight hug._

_“I love you, Kihyunnie!”_

 

 The cold rain is soaking Kihyun, making him shudder and tremble, lips pressed together and hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket. He's been running for indefinitely, away from Seoul and everything the city represents; the memories, the feelings; everything that is haunting him.

He stops dead on his tracks, hands resting on his knees and lungs struggling for air. There is something wet in the corner of his eyes and he wonders if it’s the rain or he's about to cry; probably both.

It's late and none is really wandering around that area, except him and a couple of other two lost souls. Kihyun thinks is funny how they don't seem to fit there at all, just like him.

He doesn't really care about being alone, it helps him to think. What he hates, though, is remembering the reason why he had started running in the first place, the reason why he had felt that no matter how far he tried to be, it would be futile.

“God.” he says, and it sounds half like a groan, half like desperate cry.

Somewhere along the way he notices his phone starts ringing, but ignores it completely and just keeps walking forward. He's lost, physically and mentally, and he doesn't think he would have been able to handle it if he had stayed there.

His fingers can still feel the weird sensation of the dusty, rough paper, and he rubs them against the fabric of his jeans, trying to get rid of the feeling.

It hurts and it doesn't help him feel better.

He knew, he just _knew_ it was going to happen, eventually. But he had tried to deny it whenever the thoughts would pop up in his mind.

Seeing it plastered in a paper, though, in his best friend's handwriting and his little cute emojis that decorated it, was otherwise. Had he known it would hurt this much, he would have tried to stop it; do things other way.

He stumbles a few steps more and collapses onto the floor, back resting against the metallic structure of the bridge where he is currently at.

His mouth opens in surprise when he finds said crumpled piece of paper inside the pocket of his jeans. He unfolds it again and sighs, leaning his head back until it hits the metal.

 

_“Yoo Kihyun, you have been invited to the wedding of:_

_Lee Hoseok & Kang Seulgi_

_Saturday, April 9th, at 10 a.m.”_

 

 There is something added at the bottom and Kihyun bites his lips at the sight of his best friend’s handwriting. It's messy and rushed, but still neat and cute.

 

 _“_ _Kihyunnie!! I am finally getting married. I can't wait to see you there! I love you <3”_

 

 Banging his head against the bridge would hurt him less.

*****

 

There is something twisted about weddings, Kihyun thinks. Everything is nicely decorated, from the well-placed chairs to the altar full of flowers and ribbons. Everyone is dressed up for the occasion, wearing their best, most expensive clothes, and Kihyun feels a bit out of place.

Sure, he's wearing his best tuxedo, but there is something lacking, something everyone else seems to have except him, and that's probably anticipation towards the event.

He looks around, the decoration forming a lump on his throat and seeing his friends taking place in the first row of the chairs makes him want to throw up.

As much of a wishful thinking as it may sound, he hopes he can just remain sitting down throughout the whole ceremony and spare himself from more pain.

Hoseok is gorgeous in so many ways. From his black, tousled hair, his big, boopable nose, his full lips and his even fuller heart; his eloquence, his thoughtfulness and his smile. Everything is just so beautiful for Kihyun that seeing him walking across the garden, just to meet him up, makes something warm set in the lower part of his stomach. Something that _shouldn’t_ be there.

“Hey.” Hoseok says and smiles so brightly Kihyun thinks the sun should be ashamed. “You came.”

He forces out a snort.

“Why would I not come?” The words taste bitter on his tongue, but he keeps going on. “You're my best friend after all.”

“Yeah.” Hoseok nods and wraps Kihyun in such a tight hug he feels momentarily out of breath. “I should greet the rest of the people. I'll be back in a second. Don't miss me too much.”

He feels himself rolling his eyes, but a little smile that feels more distressed than happy appears on his lips.

“Kihyun!”

He jumps in place, scared at the sudden yell, and turns around to meet one of his old friends, Im Changkyun.

“Hey, Changkyun.” nodding, he takes a seat and taps the one next to his for the boy to sit.

“How are you? We haven't seen each other for a while.” Changkyun’s hair has grown so long that it almost covers his eyes, and he struggles to remove it off them to be able to look at Kihyun properly. “I've been in Europe for a while. My band and I have been playing there these months.”

“Oh.” Kihyun bites his lower lip. “I hope it went well, you and Minhyuk worked so hard for that band! I haven’t done anything new recently, still stuck with the same old photography projects as last time.”

Changkyun laughs and Kihyun thinks he's cute. He's always been cute anyways. His dimples show the most when he's laughing and he's sure that's what has gotten him so many affairs.

“But that's okay too!”

The sound of the bells interrupts their laughs and Kihyun’s stomach sinks.

He knows Hoseok is going to appear once again through the flowery path set between the chairs, only to be followed no long after by the bride. He looks up and sees the altar and thinks about how Hoseok, after all this time, is getting married to someone who's not him, and the weight of the situation is too much for him to handle.

He suddenly stands up and Changkyun frowns at him.

“What's up?”

“I need to pee.”

And he leaves, walking as fast as he can towards the exit. He loosens his tie and breathes in and out several times, trying to calm his erratic heart down. There's none inside the toilet and he takes off his jacket and rolls up the sleeves of his shirt to splash cold water on his face. He was wearing eyeliner, but he had chosen very accurately to wear a waterproof one in the morning. His heart is beating too fast and his knees are trembling, as hard as they did the day he knew Hoseok was going to get married.

He feels stupid, really, because it's not like there's something left for him to do now.

Today is the day he completely loses Hoseok.

Kihyun thinks about it and anger, frustration, rage, build up inside of him. He had known Hoseok for so long and thought that no matter how much time passed, he'd always be next to him, but now that he's about to lose him, when he's slipping out of his hands, he realises he should have tried, should have grabbed his hands and told him his feelings. The same feelings that now wouldn’t reach him.

He hears more bells and knows the bride has arrived. It's about time for him to get his shit together, collect himself and get out of there. The toilet feels suffocating and he's getting anxious.

On his way back to the garden where the wedding is taking place he spots Hoseok and Seulgi from afar, standing next to each other and all the people smiling happily at them.

He shouldn't be there. He _can't_ be there.

Grabbing the paper out of his pocket with trembling hands, he re-reads the words he wrote a few days ago, but his vision is blurry, and he blinks twice trying to get rid of those stupid tears.

Hoseok asked him to say a few words during the ceremony and Kihyun, being the idiot, he is, agreed. Of course he agreed, what could have he said to refuse, anyways? _‘’Hey Hoseok, I have been in love with you since we were in high school and now you’re about to marry Seulgi and I swear I know she’s an amazing woman but fuck, I love you.”_ Yeah, not an option.

There is someone he has never seen before in the front door.

His hair is pink and Kihyun feels like having a déjà vu (back to a room full of canvas and chemistry stuff, erratically breathings as they sit down, trying to catch their breaths after running away from one of the local mobs with whom they somehow always got into fights with. He looks to his right and sees Hoseok, lips parted and a bit torn up, piercing gaze full of eyeliner and light purple hair with bangs that almost cover his eyes. Kihyun’s heart, as usual, speeds up at the sight and he thinks the way Hoseok’s lips glisten in the dim light should be banned).

The hair, it reminds him of the one Hoseok had back then, when he fell deeply and hopelessly in love with him. This man, nevertheless, looks like a darker, taller version of Hoseok.

“Who are you?” he asks, frowning when he wouldn't let him go any further.

“My name is Hyungwon.” he says. His voice sounds lower than Kihyun had expected it to, but it's still nice. “I'm a timekeeper.”

“You're a _what_?” Kihyun can't suppress the scepticism in his reply. Does he _really_ need to deal with this right now, when he's already late to the wedding and he knows Hoseok is probably angry at him?

“I said, I'm a timekeeper.” Hyungwon insists, swinging on his toes. “I control time.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes.

“Okay, okay, I believe you. Now, will you let me go? I have to go back.”

“Why?” Kihyun frowns when Hyungwon talks like there’s a hidden meaning behind his words, making him feel extremely annoyed and self-conscious.

Who the fuck is this man and why is he acting as if he knew him?

“ _Why_? Because it's my best friend's wedding. Like I'd miss it.”

“The same friend you've been in love with for the past ten years?”

“What?!” Kihyun takes a step back, startled. “Who the fuck are you?”

Hyungwon smiles and Kihyun hates that somehow it makes him feel calm when he should be freaking out.

“Boy, I already told you twice. Don't make me repeat it again.”

Kihyun snorts.

“Okay, so, let's say you're _really_ a timekeeper for a moment. And so what?” he asks, not even trying to hide the annoyance plastered in his words.

“I will allow you to go back in time and change the present. All you have to do is interrupt the wedding and tell Hoseok you love him. Then, you'll go back to being 19.”

Kihyun’s eyebrows are impossibly knit together and his expression must be priceless because Hyungwon laughs, wholeheartedly. His lips are oddly heart-shaped and Kihyun can’t believe that he’s really out here listening to this guy’s insane ideas while his best friend is getting married at the other side of the garden.

“If you don't, then you'll lose forever your chance of being with Hoseok.”

“I-I don't get this. Why would y-”

“We'll talk about this later, when you have fulfilled the terms. Until then, you just gotta have a little faith.”

Hyungwon walks away after that, leaving Kihyun speechless.

What the heck has he just been through.

Taking a deep breath, he walks back into the garden. Somehow, he manages to sit again next to Changkyun and notices Hoseok’s glare on him, but he doesn't have the guts to look at him back, so he just keeps talking to the younger kid.

“Sorry, I'm so late.” he says and Changkyun nods. “My stomach doesn't seem to be in good condition. I'm rather nervous.”

“Ew.”

He kind of laughs at Changkyun’s disgusted grimace and finally dares to look up.

Seulgi looks stunning. Her brown, long hair is completely straight and falls on beautifully-made waves on her back. The dress is long, white and pretty, and her eyes are gleaming with joy. He then looks at Hoseok and the feeling of throwing up comes back. He thinks of Hyungwon and wonders who is he even to interrupt such moment.

But then his eyes meet Hoseok and he knows, god, he _knows_ , he can't let him go like just like that.

If Hoseok was going to leave, at least he should take the remaining pieces of his heart with him as well.

“If anyone objects to this marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

Everything is deadly silent and Kihyun’s heart is beating so hard he can hear it resounding in his own ears.

He can't. He just can't let him go.

“I object.”

Kihyun is not sure if it's him who said those words or not, because he can't hear anything but his heart beating, but he's suddenly standing up and everyone is looking at him as if they had just seen a ghost.

"I love you Hoseok."

He wants to look at him then, but everything suddenly turns white and he's momentarily blinded and his legs give up.

 

*****

 

Kihyun’s butt collides harshly against the cold, scratchy surface. Groaning, he rubs it harshly as he tries to stand up.

He looks around and notices he's a few meters away from his college.

“What the fuck?!” he yells, narrowing his eyes. Two minutes ago he was at the wedding and he had, god, he _really_ had interrupted it.

“What the hell am I doing here....”

“Congratulations!”

Kihyun screams, scared at the sudden presence next to him, and tilts his head to the side to see Hyungwon again.

“Congratulations?” He asks, but he looks around again and notices he's wearing different clothes: tight black jeans, a white V-neck t-shirt and his favourite boots from when he was 19.

His hair feels different too, and he grabs a few strands of hair to see they're bright pink.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_. What the - ?!?”

“Please kid, stop swearing, you’re giving me a headache.” Hyungwon exaggerates an exasperated sigh and puts his hand on Kihyun’s shoulder, trying to reassure him.

“Don't panic.” he says, as if that was the easiest thing to do in that situation, and Kihyun resists the urge to laugh at him. “I told you earlier; if you interrupted Hoseok’s wedding, you'd get the chance to go back in time and try again. This is your last chance, so you better not waste it away.”

“B-but...how...you were not lying?!”

Hyungwon shakes his head and removes the hand off Kihyun’s shoulder.

“I have to leave now.” he says. “I'll see you soon again. I know you'll do the right thing this time.”

Kihyun is still speechless when Hyungwon leaves and stays still in place for way too many minutes, trying to process everything.

He has gone back in time, back to when he was 19, and now he has another chance (his last chance) to make Hoseok fall in love with him, to make him know his feelings for real this time, to give them both their happy ending.

“Jesus christ.” he mutters, running a shaky hand through his hair. He looks again at his clothes and wonders what did he even like so much about them. Being used to wearing so many cardigans and oversized sweaters during his 29, those clothes now felt out of place for him.

 

Kihyun tries to remember how his life was back then when he was that young and all kind of nice memories fill up his mind. He's surely going to seize this opportunity.

He turns around and looks at his phone to see the date. It's Friday afternoon, around 4 p.m., but there is none around.

On Fridays, he used to go home right after finishing his classes, did some homework or studying and then got ready to spend the rest of the day with Hoseok.

So that's what he does, with excitement setting in the lower part of his stomach.

Seoul changed quite a lot in those ten years, Kihyun notices. Back then there were less cars, less pollution, less stress. He suddenly gets a tad sad, nostalgic even, but knowing he's going to be able to live everything once again is enough to keep him going.

His house used to be located only a few meters away from the city centre, so getting there from college only took around 10 minutes on foot.

“Hello, mom!” he says as he enters his house, taking off the shoes and holding them on his hands.

“Hello, Ki! Welcome back.”

It's quite shocking for Kihyun to see his mother this young again, without as many wrinkles on her face and hair slightly darker. Nevertheless, 10 years later, she keeps being as beautiful, eloquent and petite as ever.

“Are you going out with Hoseok later?” she asks, popping her head out of the kitchen. She's carrying a bowl on her arms, beating something that looked like dough for a cake.

“Yeah.” he replies, nodding. Or at least he thinks so.

Seeing his old room again makes him sigh loudly, the same feeling as before – nostalgia, longing – makes his heart feel heavier. When he was 23, his mother sold the house (since Kihyun didn't live with her anymore) and moved into a smaller apartment not so in the middle of Seoul, but rather in a quieter village. Kihyun misses that bedroom, because there were so many memories kept as secrets behind these dusty shelves full of books and mangas, and under the blankets on cold Sunday mornings during winter.

Hoseok appears in each one of them.

There are two posters, one of 5 Seconds of Summer and other of James Bay, plastered on each side of his bed, and he sighs again, grabbing some clean clothes from his wardrobe.

He doesn't even look at them but knows they're probably either black or white (at 19, the only colourful thing he wore was his hair dye).

A shower is very much welcomed and suddenly all the previous events come back at him like a raging storm, making him sit down on the shower base and exhale. He feels tired and nods off a couple of times before deciding he needs to collect himself and move if he wants to see Hoseok in time.

Right when he's putting on his pants, the phone rings and he stumbles on his way to pick it up.

“Hello?” he asks, since he hadn’t even bothered to check who was calling.

“Yo, Kihyunnie.” Hoseok voice is softer, Kihyun notices. He's not sure which one he prefers: the deep, lower 30-years-old-voice or the soft, honeyed 19-years-old one. He loves both though. “I know I told you to meet me in the same park as always, but can we change location? Meet me at the café in front of our college.”

“Sure.” Kihyun hums, buckling his pants. The leather fabric feels too tight around his thighs and he rolls his eyes. Why did he even like that stuff?

What Kihyun doesn't say but remembers is that, back then, he was already on his way to the park when Hoseok called, so he had to turn around and go back on his steps. Luckily, he was able to avoid that this time.

Right when he's about to step out of his bedroom, the phone buzzes again, but this time it's a message.

 

**Seokkie**

_Kihyunnie, don't forget to bring a jacket!!_

_It's cold :(_

 

Kihyun also remembers getting a very ugly cold the following day. He's glad he can avoid this too.

He should, at this point, be already used to Hoseok’s looks, but the way he swings on his toes, eyes fixed on the floor and collarbones almost showing under the black fabric of his shirt, is just too much for Kihyun to handle, no matter if Hoseok is 20, 30 or 89.

However, 20-years-old Hoseok had started going to the gym and his shoulders are broad and his tummy hard, meanwhile his older version stopped going to the gym a while ago to focus on his job (but he still had those Pacific-ocean shoulders Kihyun wanted to drown in).

“Kihyunnie!” Hoseok looks up, meeting Kihyun’s gaze as he smiles widely.

Christ.

“Hey.” he tries to sound colder, _cooler_ , but it comes out a bit breathless. He hopes Hoseok didn't notice it. “Where are we going?”

Hoseok shrugs.

“I don't know. Any ideas?”

Kihyun bites his lower lip, trying to picture all the possible places where he could go with Hoseok.

“Let's go to the Han River.” he finally says. “We could sit on the grass and play some of your stupid games.”

Kihyun laughs at the way Hoseok looks at him, puppy eyes and earning him a little punch on the shoulder.

“They're not stupid!”

Hoseok tries to hit Kihyun again, but he dodges it on time and instead grabs Hoseok by the arm and pulls him into a hug, resting his chin on the boy's shoulder, a big smile spreading across his face.

He feels Hoseok tensing under him in surprise but relaxing just a few seconds after. He surely wasn’t expecting this.

“What's wrong, Ki.” he hears Hoseok asking, voice muffled by Kihyun’s shirt. “You're never this, uh, affectionate.”

Kihyun takes a step back and pushes Hoseok away, ruffling his hair in the way.

“Maybe you should get used to it.”

Hoseok squints his eyes at him.

“Did you hit your head on your way here?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes.

“No, it's just that seeing you leaves me speechless and now I want to give you all my love.” Which isn’t a lie anyways, but Hoseok doesn't need to know, so he just cracks up and Kihyun can't help but laugh along. “C'mon, baby boy.” he says, patting Hoseok’s head while said boy tries to wipe away the tears after his laughter.

Kihyun has always had a soft spot for the Han River area and he loves being around and to be able to be there next to Hoseok.

The boy is lying on his back, looking at the darkening sky and his eyes are gleaming like million stars, making Kihyun wonder what gods have smiled on him to put Hoseok in front of him like this and what country he saved in his past life to be next to the star that Hoseok himself was.

“How was your day?” he suddenly asks, startling the boy a bit.

“Good.” Hoseok licks his lips and Kihyun waits. “I guess it was good. Yours?”

Kihyun thinks about it.

Well, I went to your wedding, interrupted it, then travelled back in time and now here I am again, trying to make you know my feelings this time around.

“Nothing much.” he replies, shrugging slightly. “Sciences are boring anyway.”

Hoseok snorts.

“You did _not_ just say that. I'm gonna use it against you in the future.” Hoseok smiles mischievously.

“You wouldn't dare!” Kihyun smiles back and Hoseok turns on his side to look at him.

 “Hey, Ki, I need to ask you something.”

Kihyun kind of remembers where this conversation (it wasn't exactly the same, but somehow Hoseok also brought up this topic) headed to back then.

“I'm all ears.”

“I....” A deep breath. “I think I'm gonna ask Seulgi out.” Another pause. “Do you know Seulgi? She’s a year older but studies in your department. Jooheon introduced her to us a few months ago, remember?”

Kihyun feels his heart clutching a bit, but forces himself to nod.

“Yeah, I remember her.” he says. “So....you like her?”

“I don't know, Ki. I think I do, but we don't really know each other, you know? I just wanna ask her out and see if things can work between us.”

They can.

But they _can't_.

“Oh.” Kihyun’s thoughts are racing frantically as he looks for something to say. “I've heard she's lesbian.”

 _Well_.

“What? Really!?” Hoseok’s face contorts in disappointment. “Oh...I thought-”

“You'll find someone else, though. Don't worry too much.”

You'll find _me_.

“Yeah.” Hoseok tries to smile but Kihyun knows it's a bit forced. “I guess so.”

Suddenly Kihyun is very much aware of how dark the sky has turned and that it's about time for them to leave.

He helps Hoseok stand up and then shakes the dust off his pants.

“The sky looks so pretty.” Hoseok says, looking up, and Kihyun swears it's not possible for his eyes to glow that much. “The starry sky is really pretty.”

So are you, he thinks.

“Yeah.” Kihyun nods.

On their way back home, Kihyun abruptly stops and Hoseok cocks an eyebrow, questioningly.

“I've just remembered.” he explains. “Are you free tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” Hoseok is surprised and Kihyun knows why. He always used to say that they could only go out on Fridays because he had to spend the rest of the weekend studying. Now that he probably knows even more than the stuff asked on his exams, he can relax a bit and go out more. After all, his main focus is Hoseok (even though he can't give up his studies or he will be married but jobless at 30 instead).

“I want to take you somewhere.”

“Oh.” Kihyun sees Hoseok struggling whether to ask what place he intended on taking him to or wait for the surprise. “Okay.”

Kihyun smiles and gives Hoseok a hug before they start walking again.

 

*****

 

Kihyun asks Hoseok to meet him at the front door of his house (since he's going to be the one driving the car), but somehow manages to sleep in.

The door is suddenly burst open and he slowly tries to open his eyes, but his current sleepy state doesn't allow him to fully do so. Someone falls on top of him, smashing his body under their _heavy_ weight, and Kihyun groans, trying to turn around to see who's there. Hoseok smells like peaches so Kihyun doesn't even need to look to know it's him, because the scent fills up his nostrils and god, why does he have to smell so good.

“Kihyunnie!” Hoseok says, shaking Kihyun’s shoulder. “You told me to meet you at 11 in front of your house! I can't believe you slept in!!”

Kihyun groans again and opens his eyes, but regrets his life choices right after. He's lying on his back while Hoseok is on top of him, legs on each side of his body and he just looks so, so beautiful. Kihyun’s mind betrays him and wanders with thoughts about what if Hoseok looked just as gorgeous if he was riding h-

“Kihyun!”

Kihyun is brought back by the sudden yell and looks at Hoseok with wide eyes.

“I've just woken up, don't yell at me! I don't function properly just yet!”

Hoseok snorts.

“I can't believe _you_ slept in, you forgot about me!” there is a dramatic sigh in between and Kihyun has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. “Is this all I am to you? Replacing me over your sleep, I see. We're over!”

“But Seokkie!” Kihyun laughs and pulls Hoseok down so now he is on top, hugging the boy from behind, arms around his waist and face next to his. “Don't be so dramatic, you know you're the only one for me.”

Hoseok squints.

“I don't believe you.”

The thing is, Kihyun is very much saying the truth, but once again, Hoseok isn't aware of that.

“Like I'd lie, baby.” he says, more serious this time. “Now wait for me, it'll take 10 minutes.”

“I'm not waiting!” Hoseok pouts.

But obviously Hoseok waits for him and when Kihyun has washed his face and dressed up, he's ready to go out with him.

 

The sky is clear that day. There are a few clouds scattered here and there and the sunlight makes Hoseok’s hair look even darker, but his nose is red due to the cold. Kihyun wants to kiss it.

 “So...” Hoseok starts, resting his head against the seat and fingers playing with the music player. “Are you telling me now where we are heading to?”

“Yeah.” Kihyun says. “To the amusement park.”

Kihyun swears he can hear Hoseok struggling to maintain his composure and not yell like a seagull.

“R-Really!?” he asks, trying not to sound too excited, but it doesn't work.

Kihyun nods.

The way to the amusement park is relatively short, around 20 minutes by car, and Hoseok cannot stay still. Kihyun thinks he's really a kid sometimes, even when he’s 20 already (Kihyun would turn them a few months later, even though inside he still feels 29).

“You’re paying for it, right?” Hoseok asks once they're out of the car, standing next to him.

Kihyun gives him a look.

“I should make you pay only for asking.”

“Don't be mean, Kihyunnie.”

Kihyun expects it to be much more expensive than it actually is, so he's glad and relieved to see he still has some money left to survive the day.

Since it's Saturday, it’s full of people and Kihyun feels the sudden urge of pulling Hoseok closer to him, as if he was a kid who could get lost easily. Which isn’t really far from the truth anyways.

“I wanna get one of those cute cat ears, can I?” Hoseok asks, pouting slightly, and Kihyun feels his heart skipping a beat.

He laughs.

“Sure, go ahead.”

Hoseok smiles happily and leaves him alone for a few minutes, entering the nearest souvenir shop. When he comes out, his fluffy hair is decorated with bunny ears instead and Kihyun feels like dying.

“Do I look good?” he asks, placing both hands under his chin, trying to come out as cute.

“No.” he lies, because, as a matter of a fact, he _loves_ it. But Hoseok doesn't need to know this.

His response earns him a light punch on the shoulder and a very pouty Hoseok (scrunched nose, brows furrowed, eyes almost closed) sends him a death glare.

“I was just joking!” he adds, laughing. “You look cute. You always do.”

Kihyun thinks Hoseok is going to give him a (failed) meanie reply, but instead the boy just moves closer, so close their hands are almost touching. Kihyun momentarily forgets how to breathe.

“Ki, should we get some cotton candy? I'm craving for one.”

“Sure.”

Once again, Kihyun has to pay for it and his wallet and heart cry for the loss. No matter how much money he's earning at 29, now he's only 19 now and with a shitty part-time job, which meant spending a lot of money wasn’t much of an option.

Hoseok is rather oblivious to all of this and hums happily as he fills his mouth with peachy candy floss. He tries to remove the bangs off his forehead with his sticky fingers, which ends up in his pretty, black bangs covered in candy. He makes a face while trying to look up and the sight is so cute that Kihyun thinks he needs to sit down for a moment.

“You’re a klutz.” Kihyun states, pressing his lips together so the smile threatening to blossom wouldn’t.

“Shut up. “Hoseok retorts with flushed cheeks.

 “A whole baby.”

They keep fighting for a while more and then move onto talking about everythings and nothings, but when it's about time for lunch, Kihyun wants to cry. His wallet is completely broken. They should have brought some snacks, like those mayo tuna triangle kimbaps Hoseok liked so much.

“So, uh.” He starts, biting his lower lip, his habit when he’s nervous. “What do you think about skipping a meal today? Or maybe we could try eating the grass. I'm sure it has a lot of proteins.”

Hoseok presses his lips together and fumbles inside the pocket of his jeans.

“I have this.” he says, holding out 10k wons.

“Oh.” Kihyun grabs the money, an apologetic look on his face. “I'm sorry. I should have waited until I had saved up more money.”

“Hey, Ki, it’s more than okay. You already paid for a lot of stuff today.” Hoseok pats his shoulder, smiling, and Kihyun wants to poke his puffed cheeks. “What do you feel like eating?”

 

Kihyun thinks his mother is going to skin him alive for having spent all his money in just one day. He’s, in fact, scared so he tries to sneak into his bedroom without her noticing.

She does anyways.

“Ki!” she calls him, leaving the book she was reading on the table and readjusting her glasses on the bridge of her nose, slowly caressing it. That's a habit Kihyun has inherited.

“Hi, mom.” he scratches his nape, slightly swinging on his toes.

“How did the day go? Did you have fun with Hoseok?” she asks, and her voice has an undertone that doesn't go unnoticed for him.

He _knows_ his mother knows. Mothers always know.

“It was okay.” he replies, somewhat feeling a bit uneasy. “But I'm tired. I have to study tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you better do.” his mother sends him off with a dismissive gesture of her hand. “You skipped today just to spend the day with him. If you fail, Yoo Kihyun, I promise-”

“Mom, please.” he can't help but roll his eyes at her. “When have I ever failed? I'd never disappoint you.”

“You better keep up that promise!” she says, narrowing her eyes to sound more severe.

“I'm leaving.” he replies, shaking his head, and he can hear his mom sighing as he goes upstairs.

Somehow Kihyun finds himself wearing one of Hoseok’s baggy shirts to sleep and wonders how come all his pyjama shirts are Hoseok’s old shirts (he grew up in size quite a lot and before throwing these away Kihyun thought he could give them a better use).

His stomach flips with the realization that usually that’s what couples do.

Lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling, Kihyun thinks he doesn't regret spending that much money and time on him today. Every step he took felt like a little step closer and he couldn't ignore the bubbliness setting on his tummy at the thought.

Snuggling his pillow, he tries to conceive how would it be to be dating Hoseok. It probably wouldn’t be that different from the stuff they actually did every day, except maybe from holding hands and from kisses. And the touches. And - _fuck_ , he doesn't want his thoughts to go this way, but he’s bombarded with images of Hoseok sitting on top of him like during that morning, the sunlight entering throughout the window blind projecting shadows on his face and looking breath-taking as he takes Kihyun inside.

His thoughts are interrupted – once again – by the sound of his phone vibrating. With a throbbing headache and even more throbbing dick, he makes the huge effort of stretching his arm to get a hold of it, almost throwing it onto the floor in the last second.

 

**Seokkie**

_Kiiiiiii_

_Since we don't have class this Monday_

_Let's go out tomorrow night? >u<_

 

Kihyun grunts and remembers the conversation he had earlier with his mother. Well, if he spent the whole day studying, then he could probably go out at night, right? He had even forgotten he had that Monday free.

 

**Kihyun**

_Sure_

 

A sly smile spreads across his face as he knows Hoseok is going to call him out for such short reply.

 

**Seokkie**

_You have no soul * sighs *_

**Kihyun**

_^^_

 

Kihyun laughs softly and leaves the phone back on the night-stand, turning around to cuddle his pillow and sniff Hoseok’s shirt, the sweet smell of peaches making his heart skip a beat.

Of course, things were easier said than done, Kihyun thinks.

He's sitting on his desk chair, books scattered all over the place along with his notes filled with yellow, blue and green highlighters in a failed attempt of trying for something to grab his attention. He really had thought he wouldn't have to study much since he already did it before, but he had been plain stupid. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy, because then he would be really living his best life. His memory doesn't seem to want to remember anything at all and he has to focus once again on the papers in front of him and try to stuff all the formulas and chemistry theory in his mind.

It's boring, tiring and consuming, but the thought of hanging out with Hoseok at night encourages him to keep studying. Christ, at his 29 he missed many things about being a teenager, but he really did not miss studying like this nor the stress of university.

He's so focused on his duty that he doesn’t even notice the time passing by, until the alarm he has (gladly) set up earlier rings, startling him for a moment.

“Holy shit.” he says, out loud, stretching his arms his neck. “Time surely flies.”

He still has enough time to shower and get dressed properly. He chooses another pair of boots (he really used to love these ones back then), jeans, a black t-shirt with V-neck and his favourite leather jacket. His hair is usually combed down but this time decides to go for a change and style upwards. And apply some eyeliner too.

“Damn, you look good.” his reflection in the mirror is looking straight back at him and Kihyun thinks it’s impossible that Hoseok doesn’t fall for him.

Hoseok is waiting for him, this time around in his house. His bedroom is bluish, the duvet has clouds for design and the walls are plastered with anime posters and lots of pictures of him with Kihyun (among other friends here and there). The shelves are also full of mangas and plushies.

He is wearing tight black pants and a red shirt that Kihyun wants to burn down because – is it even allowed to look that good?

 “You look so good.” Hoseok says as they walk out of his house, smiling.

“Thanks. So do you.” he replies, which is the truth.

Hoseok takes him to some kind of restaurant, not really expensive but not so cheap either; a place where they were able to eat well without being wasteful.

“Hey, Ki.” Hoseok looks at him through his noodles. “Guess what? I went to the library today and I met Seulgi there.”

Kihyun tenses up.

“Oh.” he shifts his gaze towards his plate. “You did?”

“Yes!” Hoseok sounds too cheerful for Kihyun’s liking and his stomach drops. “I asked her out. As in, if she wanted to go out with me one day. She said yes! Apparently, she isn’t lesbian, where did you even get that rumour from, Ki? Well, anyways, she isn’t dating anyone either. I can't believe I'm this lucky!”

“Congrats!” Kihyun tries to sound happy for him, but it doesn't work at all. He's glad Hoseok doesn't notice it.

 

Hoseok is the one who proposes going drinking after the dinner and Kihyun is not really sure whether that’s a good idea.

The pub they head to is not far away from the restaurant, so they go on foot. Kihyun suddenly feels nervous; they're almost alone out there in the streets and Hoseok is so, so close to him. He can smell the soft scent of his aftershave, mixed with the usual smell of peaches. It's intoxicating, maddening even, in a way Kihyun wants to kiss Hoseok so hard under the streetlamp light, until he has swallowed up all the worries inside of him, until there is nothing else inside of Hoseok’s mind except of Kihyun; Kihyun’s voice, Kihyun’s touch, Kihyun’s scent. Just like how there's nothing else but Hoseok inside his.

He hesitates when it’s about time to buy the alcohol. The 29-years-old part of him tells him that no, he can't do that, because they both have to study the following day and the hangover is going to be terrible, but the other part tells him to be risky, reckless and stupid, just like how he was during his 19.

He goes for the second option in the end, and in his mind he hopes he won't regret it. Or at least not too much.

However, they get pretty much wasted, and what was even that thing Kihyun had to worry about?

They go all the way back to the restaurant because Hoseok’s house is just a few streets away and it's the shortest way.

The air is cold and Kihyun sneezes a few times, with Hoseok laughing at him. He stumbles on his way more than once and Kihyun grabs his arm, trying to steady him

“How come we have drunk this much, for fuck’s sake.” Kihyun asks when Hoseok has to stop in the middle of the sidewalk because he feels nauseous.

“We didn't drink that _much_ , please.”

“You’re about to puke.”

“I’m not.”

It doesn't sound convincing at all and Kihyun thinks it's stupid and not fair at all how attractive he finds Hoseok under that dim light. It should be ugly, really, because how can he look attractive with that faint light shadowing his face and lips slightly curved into a groin as he tries to fight back the nausea, with his black hair completely dishevelled and dilated pupils.

But Hoseok _does_ and Kihyun feels himself falling in love even more.

“God, I-” Hoseok says when they've almost reached his house. “I really want to do something.”

“Do you want to throw up?”

“It’s not that.”

“Well, as long as it isn't swimming naked in the sea or stealing a car, I'm listening.”

Hoseok moves closer, so close that Kihyun can feel his breathing against his lips, their noses almost touching. His heart goes crazy, beating so hard that probably even Hoseok is able to hear it.

“W-What are you doing.” he asks, out of breath, because really, out of all the things he had expected Hoseok to do, it would have never been this, not even with them both drunk.

“Have I ever told you how handsome you look under the moonlight? Because really, it's just _so_ \- you’re just so-” A deep breath; Kihyun is not sure from who. “I really want to kiss you.”

This is it, Kihyun thinks, this was all a dream and I'm going to wake up now hating my entire existence.

But he doesn't wake up and when the distance between them is closed and they kiss, he doesn't die – but almost.

Hoseok’s lips are soft and they taste bitter, they taste of alcohol, but that doesn't stop him from kissing him even deeper, lips moving in slow movements, turning more desperate, more hectic within seconds. Hoseok’s tongue finds its way inside Kihyun’s mouth and, when they touch, Kihyun feels his whole body exploding, sending shivers throughout his whole body. His hands get lost in the soft strands of Hoseok’s hair, while Hoseok keeps him pressed against his body, holding him by the waist.

They break the kiss when the lack of air becomes too much and their foreheads press together as they try to catch their breaths.

“Sleep with me tonight.” Hoseok says, asking, and Kihyun’s heart almost pops out of his chest. “It's late for you to go home now.”

Kihyun is still lucid enough to send a message to his mom before Hoseok drags him inside the house.

He’s not sure whose back hits the door as they keep kissing even more desperately inside Hoseok’s bedroom, taking the opportunity that his parents aren’t home most of the time due to their jobs.

Kihyun’s hands are trembling when he takes off Hoseok’s shirt and kisses his neck instead of his lips, his ear filled with whimpers from the other boy as he takes one of his nipples between his teeth, feeling it growing harder under him.

Completely unsure of where things are heading but fuelled by the alcohol running through his veins and Hoseok’s mellow sounds, Kihyun dares to explore further and unbuttons his jeans, pushing them down his legs, but Hoseok’s hands stop him midway.

Kihyun think he’s going to tell them to stop, that this – all of this – is a mistake, but Hoseok doesn’t seem to think that at all when instead he takes off Kihyun’s shirt as well and caresses his tummy, goosebumps blossoming all over his skin wherever he touches.

Even though Hoseok is way more fit and broad than him, Kihyun doesn’t feel one single bit of self-consciousness as Hoseok looks at him with both, fascination and lust. A warm pool sets on the lower part of Kihyun’s stomach when Hoseok drags his tongue along his collarbone, kissing and marking as he goes further, until he can dart his tongue inside Kihyun’s navel and tickle him there.

It’s when he unbuttons Kihyun’s pants too that he allows him to take his own off as well.

Hoseok giggles clumsily when Kihyun pushes him against the mattress, both of them only wearing their underwear, and his breath gets stuck in his throat when Hoseok straddles him and _grinds_ down.

A sound that Kihyun had no idea he could make escapes past his throat when he feels Hoseok’s hard-on against his own, rubbing deliciously but painfully.

“Let’s-” Kihyun takes a deep breath as he tries to form a coherent sentence. “Let’s take these off.”

Hoseok nods and takes the matter into his hands, the uncomfortable fabric disappearing in the blink of an eye.

“Ki.” Hoseok says, lips pressed against the pulse on Kihyun’s neck. “There’s lube inside my drawer. It will…it will chafe if we do it too dry.”

Kihyun doesn’t need to look to know Hoseok is flustered and hiding in the crook of his neck to avoid him from seeing his cheeks as pink as Kihyun’s hair.

With his mind still spinning around like wheel from the alcohol, Kihyun manages to take the lube out of the drawer (but it’s hard, because Hoseok keeps kissing him and keeps grinding against him and Kihyun’s losing his remaining sanity).

The heat of their bodies is so strong that they don’t even notice how cold the lube is against their skins, and soon enough Hoseok has started rolling his hips again, holding both of their cocks to press them together as he grinds and rubs.

Kihyun had no idea something like this could feel so fucking good but when Hoseok thrusts faster and rubs his thumb against the slit of Kihyun’s cock, he loses his mind.

Grabbing Hoseok’s butt and squishing the meaty buttcheeks between his hands, Kihyun rolls his up upwards faster as well, thrusting into Hoseok’s hand and intensifying the friction, until the bubbling sensation of the orgasm builds up inside his stomach and his legs tremble as he explodes, coming between their bodies. He feels Hoseok shaking under his hands and moves them from his buttcheeks to his cheeks to pull him into a kiss and swallow the moans as Hoseok reaches his climax too.

Kihyun cleans them with Hoseok’s sheets quickly before Hoseok snuggles against him and they both fall asleep.

 

*****

 

“What the actual fuck.”

Kihyun groans, turning around to see Hoseok’s face right in front of his, his breath tickling his nose.

His head is spinning and his body feels as if he has just been run over by a car.

He shakes Hoseok to wake him up, only then realizing they’re both _naked_.

The memories from last night wash over him like a waterfall and Kihyun wants to open a hole in the floor and bury himself, preferably forever.

Hoseok mumbles something he can't understand and turns around in bed, hiding his head under the pillow.

Kihyun quietly gets up from bed to take his phone out of the pocket of his jeans to check the hour.

It’s 12 a.m.

“Fuck.”

He is very much late for his ''studying sessions'' and his mother is probably angry at him (“you said you would not skip more studying for Hoseok!”), but honestly, he can’t bring himself to care. He needs to focus on Hoseok too and it's not like he cannot manage to do both things at the same time. Sure, his studies would be lacking a bit, but it would be just for a short amount of time. Nothing he couldn’t mend up later.

Hoseok looks so quiet and peaceful on his sleep that Kihyun doesn’t have to heart (nor the guts) to wake him up, so instead he goes to Hoseok’s wardrobe to get some clean clothes (more like tries to because wow, why are his legs so shaky and why does the floor feel so unstable) and leaves his dirty ones inside his laundry basket. They always leave their clothes at each other's house anyways.

He looks at Hoseok’s naked figure and Kihyun feels his cheeks heating up, suddenly feeling dizzy, knees weak and heart racing.

There is, though, hesitation – they were drunk, would Hoseok even remember? Did he act taken by the alcohol running through his veins or did he really want to kiss Kihyun? And – uh – dry hump? Would he regret it?

Thinking that Hoseok would probably tell him that yes, it was a mistake and that no, he doesn't like him, makes Kihyun’s stomach sink and he suddenly feels nausea and runs towards the toilet to throw up, and even though he’s not able to pour out all his worries, there's no trace of alcohol left on his system.

After washing his hands and face, he leaves the room, softly closing the door. Suddenly Hoseok’s house feels suffocating.

The cold air hurts as if there were million knives cutting through his skin and Kihyun tries to hide his face inside the jacket he’s borrowed, even though it's somewhat futile. His hands are frozen and they're also slightly shaking, his fingers clenched into a fist to preserve the little warmth left.

Although it's Monday, there are a lot of people in the streets, buying late stuff for Christmas, such as presents or decoration for the house. Kihyun realizes then he still hasn't bought anything for Hoseok yet, but he doesn't have money with him to do that now.

A few minutes after he’s on his way back home he feels someone walking next to him and with a lump on his throat he looks up to see it's just Hyungwon.

“Hey!” the man greets, smiling.

“Would you stop scaring me?” he asks, sending him a death glare.

Hyungwon laughs and Kihyun somehow, even though rolling his eyes, finds himself smiling along. Hyungwon seemed like such a peculiar person (was he even a person?).

They walk next to each other for some time more, Kihyun even manages to trip over the freezing floor a few times (“Honestly, why are you wearing those boots with this weather?” “Just shut up!”) and Hyungwon just keeps humming to a song Kihyun cannot recognize, but no words come out of his mouth.

“Are you going to tell me for once and all why did you come to see me?” Kihyun asks, in the end, slightly annoyed. He hasn't slept well and his head hurts.

“Uh.” Hyungwon rolls his eyes. “You're always so nice.”

Kihyun sighs.

“I'm sorry, I'm tired.”

“Yeah, I _figured_.” The man raises an eyebrow and Kihyun just hopes he’s not blushing. “I just came here to warn you though. I kind of forgot to tell you this last time, I tend to be very absentminded.”

Kihyun stops abruptly to look at him.

“To warn me?”

“Yeah.” Hyungwon nods. “You don't have forever, you know? There is a deadline.”

“A deadline.” Kihyun deadpans. “I thought I had all the time to get Hoseok?”

Hyungwon tilts his head to one side and scratches his nape

“Yeah, no.” he says. “You only have until _that_ day.”

Kihyun knows perfectly what 'that' day means. Hyungwon doesn't even have to say a word for him to know. It was the day Hoseok chose going to see Seulgi instead of him, the day he asked the girl out and everything since then went downhill (for him).

“Your last day is the day where Hoseok is going to confess to Seulgi. It's the turning point. If you haven't gotten him before that happens, the game is over. You'll be back to being 29 and there is no going back.”

Kihyun suddenly feels anxious and his hands start shaking again, but this time it’s not from the cold.

“We kissed. And we – mmm – did another stuff.” he says, not really sure why.

Hyungwon looks at him with an impassive look.

“I know.” he replies. “But that doesn't mean anything. Don't count your chickens before they hatch.”

Kihyun wants to add something to that but Hyungwon has already left.

Remembering that day, how it felt when Hoseok chose Seulgi over him, Kihyun wants to erase that memory forever.

 

*****

 

It's cold and Kihyun is freezing.

Honestly, all he wants to do is go back home and bury himself under a thousand blankets, snuggle against his pillow and shelter himself in the warmth of his bed.

But, instead, he's wearing his most comfy wool coat and a big scarf around his neck, but his nose is red and his ears are freezing. Intending on arriving faster at college, he quickens the pace, closing his eyes against the cold breeze.

Hoseok reaches him almost at the gate of the building. His hair is now purple (Kihyun still has a hard time breathing whenever he sees Hoseok again with purple hair, he had wanted to forget he ever had that look since forever because, really, how could someone look _that_ good) and his body is wrapped in a huge cardigan. He looks as cold as Kihyun does.

“We should go inside.” he says and Kihyun notices his lips are almost as purple as his hair.

“Yes, please, before we freeze to death.”

Inside, even if it's the university, everything feels cosier, warmer, and Kihyun’s heart does a thing when he feels Hoseok grabbing his hand and rubbing it with his to warm each other up. It's a simple touch, but then Hoseok interlocks their fingers and doesn't let go of his hand even when they are already walking through the corridors. Some people look at them from the corner of their eyes but Hoseok only holds his hand tighter.

“What class do you have now, Ki?” Hoseok asks, startling him. He had been so busy overthinking that he didn’t notice he was looking at him.

“Uh.” Kihyun blinks twice and tilts his head to look at the schedule stuck to his locker. “I have organic chemistry. You?”

“Economy.” Hoseok smiles slightly, the corners of his lips curving upwards. It's weird but Kihyun finds it cute. “Are you okay, Ki? You look tired.”

Kihyun yawns.

“I'm tired. I've been studying nonstop these past few days for my test tomorrow. I'm gonna fail, the teacher hates me.”

“Even if the teacher hates you,” Hoseok stops holding Kihyun’s hand and he feels cold again. “You will still manage, you're brilliant.”

“Pfft.” Kihyun snorts. “Am not.”

“We'll see! And I will say ‘told you so’.”

Patting Kihyun’s head right after (“hey, it's taken me ten minutes to comb my hair, don't do that!”), Hoseok leaves and Kihyun sighs as he leans his forehead against the locker.

He hates organic chemistry and he’s fucked.

 

“Ki, don't make that face!” Hoseok singsongs as he sits next to Kihyun on a bench in the campus. “It's Friday! You should be happy because we are going out today.”

 _Oh_. Kihyun had forgotten about it. He had been so busy with his fucking test that he hadn’t even realized it was already the weekend.

“Come to my house at 7 this afternoon.” he says, another yawn interrupting his sentence.

Hoseok smiles at him.

“We can hang out later, Ki. You're tired, you should take a nap and-”

“Just shut up and be on time.”

“Wasn’t me who slept in last time though.”

“I slept in once! _Once_!”

Hoseok clutches his shirt, right over his heart, pretending to be offended and Kihyun rolls his eyes while munching on his rice. He stuffs Hoseok’s mouth with a spoonful of rice when he feels he’s about to say something else, almost making him choke.

Afternoons are usually warmer than mornings, though nights are the coldest. That's why Kihyun carries a jacket with him when he leaves his house. It's almost 7 and Hoseok hasn't arrived yet, so he sits on the stairs at the front door, legs folded and elbows resting on his knees.

He has already gotten used to wearing tight jeans again and the fabric doesn't bother him anymore. He takes his phone out of his jacket to look at his reflection, to check if his eyeliner looks decent because he traced it in a rush, thinking he'd be late (again) and would have Hoseok whining for the rest of the night.

“Hello!”

Hoseok is wearing black pants and a white shirt covered by a long, beautiful carmine cardigan. His purple hair is hidden under a beanie, which says NY, but you could still spot his purple bangs. His fingers try to remove the hair off his eyes and Kihyun swallows hard as he looks up because he has always wanted to do that.

“You're late.” he says, instead.

“I'm sorry.” Hoseok shrugs. “There was a lot of traffic and my bus wouldn’t go faster.”

Kihyun gets up and walks toward him, booping his nose. Hoseok pouts.

“Where are we going?”

Honestly, Kihyun hadn't thought much about it. He just wanted to spend the day next to Hoseok, and maybe, _maybe_ , this time he would confess.

They hadn’t talked about what - mmm - happened the other night, but Kihyun felt as if he was running out of time. Which he actually, in fact, was.

“The zoo.”

Hoseok gives him a look.

It's not that Hoseok is afraid of animals, but more like Kihyun has never been fond of zoos. That’s why he’s surprised.

“Are you sure, though? I don’ want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“It’s okay, I think we will have fun!”

Hoseok doesn’t seem very much convinced but shrugs and gets inside Kihyun’s car.

Kihyun kinda regrets it right after stepping inside the zoo. He hates seeing all these animals caged up when they could be free, out in the open at their homelands.

“I told you we shouldn’t come, you’re frowning and you will grow wrinkles at an early age, Ki.”

“Just shut up. You've been wanting to visit the zoo since forever, so it's okay. Besides, I really love animals. I just get sad.”

“You can’t sad because I’m right here next to you, though.” Hoseok makes a face that has Kihyun’s knees go weak because he is the cutest person in the entire world.

Hoseok grabs his hand after two steps into the zoo. It seemed that, lately, Hoseok was interested in holding Kihyun’s hand more than he had ever done before.

“Can we go and see the dolphins?” Hoseok asks, lips curved into a huge smile and eyes gleaming.

How could Kihyun refuse.

“As long as I don't get soaked.”

But, of fucking course, right after entering the area of the pools a dolphin thought it would be funny to jump and splash water, which ended in them both completely soaked and smelling of fish.

“Wonderful.” Kihyun rolls his eyes. “This is just. Wonderful.”

Hoseok pokes his cheek.

“Stop being so grumpy! It’s just water!”

Kihyun opens his mouth to reply but Hoseok has taken off his beanie earlier and now his wet purple hair is stuck to his forehead and nape and he looks gorgeous beyond belief.

He’s eternally grateful when Hoseok decides it was enough of the zoo for that day. He still manages to convince him of buying a little plushie of a baby seal and Kihyun agrees because it’s just as cute as him.

“Where should we go now?” Hoseok asks once they are out of the zoo, heading towards Kihyun’s car. He’s surprised to see how dark the sky has turned since they arrived.

“The park.”

Kihyun feels anxious. He has spent more nights than he'd like to admit thinking about _this_ night. The night at the park with Hoseok, holding his hand as they walk all alone under the moonlight and he finally confesses.

Only that they are not alone and there's no moon. Instead, there are lots of groups teenagers sitting on the grass, enjoying their free time as they drink, smoke weed and chat. And instead of a full, bright moon, they only have the ugly light coming from the streetlamps.

Hoseok still looks so beautiful, Kihyun thinks. The urge to touch him and kiss him again is very much present but he has to force himself not to do so.

He can't.

He's so focused on his internal battle that he isn't even aware of Hoseok holding his hand, like it had happened in his mind, interlocking their fingers and humming happily to a song he has heard too often lately in the radio.

Kihyun has so many questions crossing his mind: do you still think I'm handsome, even when you're not drunk? Do you still want to kiss me, even if it's not in a dark, dirty street where no one can see us? Do you still want to touch me? Do you?

Instead, he asks:

“Are you cold? Your hands are shaking.”

It's stupid, really, because why else would he be trembling if it's not because of the coldness.

Hoseok shakes his head. Instead, he pulls Kihyun closer, until their bodies brush together whenever they take a step forward.

Kihyun remembers again how he hasn't got much time left. In his memory, Hoseok would confess to Seulgi next week. So, if he wants to – no, more like he _has to_ stop that from happening, he needs to get his shit together and do something.

“We should go home.” Hoseok says, looking up, and their eyes meet, leaving Kihyun at a loss for words. He looks somewhat disappointed but Kihyun can’t pinpoint exactly why.

“Yeah, we should.”

It's late, really late, and he knows his mother is going to be angry, _again_.

He rides Hoseok home but this time he cannot stay over because he already got scolded last time, even more because they were drunk.

He accompanies Hoseok to the front door, though, and leans slightly on the railing.

“Thank you for today, it really means a lot to me.”

Kihyun squints at him.

“Why are you even thanking me, I didn't do anything.”

“Yes, you did!” Hoseok’s eyes shine so bright under the light of the entrance, like a thousand stars, that it makes Kihyun’s heart skip a beat. “You took me to the zoo even though you don't like it and-”

A short peck.

It's so short that Kihyun thinks he must have imagined it and he did not just kiss Hoseok, but when he opens his eyes and sees Hoseok looking at him with wide eyes, he knows it wasn’t just his imagination. He really kissed him again after that day, with no alcohol in between this time.

His lips tickle after the sudden yet not enough brush against Hoseok’s and he has to swallow the lump on his throat, the feeling that tells him to kiss him again – harder, deeper crawling inside him like an alligator.

“See you on Monday, baby boy.” he says, and finds the courage to kiss Hoseok again, this time even shorter than the last one.

Hoseok is so startled he can't even manage to say a word.

“Sleep well.”

 

*****

 

“Fuck.”

Kihyun slowly opens his eyes and sees all the books and notes in front of his eyes, the room already dark. He has nodded off while trying to study for his upcoming test, but tiredness washed over him.

Trying to wake himself up, he rubs his eyes with the back of his palms and looks at his phone, noticing he has a message from his mother _“I've gone to your grandparents' house. It won't take much but I expect you'll go out with Hoseok. **Don't** get drunk and don't arrive too late!”_ He laughs and pushes the chair, trying to get up. His back aches from the uncomfortable position he was sleeping at.

His stomach growls in hunger and he frowns, debating whether to call some fast-food restaurant or go downstairs to lurk if there is some pre-cooked food in the fridge.

On his way downstairs, he almost trips several times with his own feet since his sweatpants are too long and he keeps stepping over them.

Much to his surprise (and delight), there is a lunchbox full of homemade food inside the fridge and Kihyun has never felt happier.

School seriously drained him and he hates with all his being having to go through that hell once again.

He sighs.

“The things I do for that kid, I swear.”

The food tastes heavenly on his tongue and his cat climbs onto the table, looking at him half-pleading, half-demanding.

“I'm not giving you any.” Kihyun says, giving his cat a look. “This is my food.”

Mochi, that’s her name, tilts her head and moves her tail back and forth, scrutinizing him.

In the end, has no choice but to feed his cat, who happily eats the piece of food he is offering, licking his fingers and Kihyun smiles, feeling the raspy tongue against his skin.

Kihyun suddenly opens his eyes wide, in realization.

“Shit, shit, shit, what hour is it!?”

Quickly, he tries to take the phone out of his pocket but realizes he has left it on his desk. Running and almost dying on his way upstairs, he grabs his phone and looks at the screen to see there's only one hour left before his meeting with Hoseok and he has yet to shower and wash his hair (honestly, he doesn't want to meet Hoseok being all sweaty and with dirty hair).

He manages to finish everything on time and runs out of his house almost forgetting his jacket but remembering in the last second; he’d rather not freeze to death.

They have set up their meeting in the park near their university, which Kihyun remembers being covered in white snow and with those pretty Christmas lights surrounding the trees and the fountains.

Kihyun breathes out and sits on the edge of one of the fountains, rubbing his hands to get warm. He tries to focus on something else instead of his freezing fingers and when Hoseok hasn't shown up in fifteen minutes, he starts getting worried.

There are no messages from the boy, but the date indicates it's December 20th.

“ _Fuck_.”

 The memories from that day are suddenly so vivid that Kihyun feels suffocated, out of breath, and has to open his coat because his lungs won't seem to function properly.

He presses the call button after a few failed attempts, due to the trembling of his hands.

Hoseok doesn't reply.

He calls again.

And again.

And again.

“Ki?” Hoseok’s voice comes out rather muffled, as if he was running, and Kihyun swallows hard. “Oh my God, Ki, I'm so sorry! I won't be able to meet you today.”

“W-what, why?”

He _knows_ why, he just hopes – hoped – that things had changed, he really had thought....

“You won't believe it, Ki! Seulgi called me this afternoon! She said she's free and wanted us to meet up later! I'm so sorry, I know we had today planned but, really – she called me! And I jus-”

“Hoseok.” Kihyun interrupts him, feeling bile in his throat, as if he were to throw up. “Hoseok, you can't.”

He hears rather than sees Hoseok frowning.

“I can't what, Ki?”

“You can't go to Seulgi.” It sounds like a plea, but he doesn't care. “Please, Hoseok, come here.”

“I-I don't get this. Are you crazy? How am I going to give her up now!?”

“Hoseok.” Another try. “Please, I'm begging you, please, don't go with her. I-I need you. Please-”

“You're so fucking selfish.” Hoseok spits, and Kihyun feels as if he has just been punched right in the face. Hoseok has never talked to him like that ever before. “I wasn't expecting this from you. I'm really disappointed, Kihyun. I'm hanging up.”

“N-No, Hoseok!”

But the call is cut and Kihyun can only hear the _'pi, pi, pi'_ coming from the other line.

His legs are shaking and he doesn't even have the strength to hold himself up. He feels tears gathering in the corner of his eyes and the sensation of vomiting appears again.

He has lost Hoseok.

He has lost Hoseok once again, because he was a coward to confess. He has been given the chance to get Hoseok back but he screwed it up, because, in the end, Hoseok chose Seulgi over him again, because he couldn’t tell him how he felt.

Just like the last time.

Only that _this_ time, he had tasted Hoseok’s lips, he had felt how it'd be to have Hoseok’s body pressed close against his, how it'd be waking up next to him.

How is he going to be able to go back to the future and think of what he could have had but never did? He had tasted the forbidden apple and then let it fall, in a way he could never pick it up again.

He wonders whether he should get up and move or wait until Hyungwon comes for him. Or maybe he should just say there and freeze to death. Maybe it'd be less painful. Or maybe he wouldn't feel anything at all, since his heart is already torn apart.

He wants to lie back and drown himself in the cold water, until his lungs are filled up and he can't breathe, until Hoseok disappears from his mind because the lack of oxygen is more important.

He finally gets up, shaking the snow off his pants, and his fingers are so cold he can't even feel them anymore, just like his nose.

After a few steps more, his footsteps printed on the crunchy snow, he looks up and his heart – or the remaining pieces of his heart – clenches.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, and he’s is ashamed of how weak his voice sounds.

Kihyun is tired.

He feels worn out, completely exhausted for having to fight for someone who can't be his. Fate has made it clear. Hoseok can't be his, and never will be his. He doesn't belong to him, and the sooner he accepts the cruel reality, the sooner he can move on.

Hoseok looks at him in a way Kihyun can't quite comprehend.

“I came here for you.” he replies, fidgeting. “When I hanged up I thought, why were you like that? And it seemed to me that, unless it was something really important, you would have never said that. So, I asked myself what was more important, Seulgi or you.”

“And what’s the answer?” Kihyun asks, even if it's too obvious, because Hoseok is standing in front of him.

“Why did you call me?” Hoseok asks, instead. “What was so important that you couldn't let me meet Seulgi?”

Kihyun breathes in.

He had practiced this so many times in front of the mirror, in all kind of scenarios, but not like this. He's nervous and his heart is racing.

“I love you.”

The words come out of his mouth easier than expected and he's surprised at himself.

“I love you.” he repeats. “I've been loving you for quite some time and – the thought of you, being with her, instead of...instead of me, I just can't stand that, Hoseok. I love you, and every day I ask myself why the fuck did I have to fall in love with you. It'd be so much easier if I had never met you.”

Kihyun can see the hurt in Hoseok’s eyes.

“Don't say that.” he says, roughly. “Don't ever say that again.”

“I didn't say that I regret meeting you. I just said it would have been much easier for me. It would have saved me from a lot of pain.”

“I'm sorry.” That's all Hoseok says. “I'm sorry.”

“You're sorry for not loving me?” Kihyun asks, even though he doesn't want to hear the answer.

“No.” Hoseok shakes his head. “I'm sorry for not telling you before I love you too.”

Silence.

“Y-You - what?” Kihyun thinks he hears himself asking, but he's not sure, because his heart is beating so fast he's having a hard time concentrating.

Hoseok suspires in relief.

“I said I love you too, Kihyun.” he repeats. “But, seriously, you’re so fucking dense. I held your hand all the time, we even kissed and – _other_ – things that night and, even then, you still couldn’t see the heart I was holding for you.” Kihyun opens his mouth to say something but Hoseok keeps talking. “When I hanged out with Seulgi, I didn't want to kiss her the same way I did with you. Sure, I was attracted, but I just- I tried to approach you all these times and when you kissed me again that day I thought ‘’that’s it, he really likes me too’’ but then you were again so indifferent, it felt like you didn’t feel the same, at times.”

“I felt the same all the damn time, that I can promise.” Kihyun replies, more forcefully than intended.

“When you called me today I was so confused, I thought you were just toying around with me. But that’s such a thing you would _not_ do. So I came.”

“I'm glad you came though.” Kihyun whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m glad too.” Hoseok caresses his cheeks.

He feels as if the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders and he can breathe again.

He pulls Hoseok closer and embraces him in a tight hug, snuzzling his nose against his neck and inhaling his scent. He feels Hoseok trembling under him and he hugs him harder, trying to erase all the bad memories.

Hoseok feels the same and he should not worry anymore.

He's never going to let go.

 

Hyungwon appears a few hours later, when Kihyun has gone downstairs and is sitting on a small picnic table Hoseok has in his garden. The boy is sleeping inside his room, but Kihyun didn't seem to be able to fall asleep. He was wide awake.

Hyungwon sits next to him, their legs touching.

“You made it.” he says, his voice serious but relieved, and his pink hair shines brighter than ever.

“I did.” Kihyun nods. “But thought I had failed again.”

Hyungwon sighs, scratching his head, and the reflection of a smile appears on his lips.

“You didn't. It's not like you could fail anyways.”

Kihyun looks at him.

“What?”

He looks up to meet Hyungwon’s gaze, but the moon is not full enough for him to be able to see more than his silhouette.

“You know, I'm a timekeeper. Fate does exist, but in very twisted ways.” Hyungwon tilts his head and the pink bangs cover his eyes. “I have something akin to a screen where everything is organized. Every meeting, every couple. When two people get together, their plates connect, as if it was a puzzle. But only if those two people are meant to be, the plates will turn red. If that doesn't happen, it means they will find their other halves another time. But you and Hoseok, your plates became red since the very first day you guys met.” Kihyun’s heart skips a beat. “That's why I had to come here and ask you to go back in time. Because it was the first time in my entire life (and, believe me, I’ve lived a lot) that things would not end the way they are supposed to. Hoseok was going to end up with Seulgi even though they are not meant to be.”

“So, Hoseok and I...?”

“Yeah.” Hyungwon nods. “You guys are going to be together until your last breaths, congrats.”

Hyungwon sounds happy, but the exhaustion underlying in his words doesn't go unnoticed for Kihyun. He's probably drained from how troublesome this situation had become.

“Thank you.” Kihyun says, and he really means it. “Thank you so much.”

“Don't thank me, it’s my job.” Hyungwon pats his shoulder as he gets up. “It was nice meeting you, Yoo Kihyun. But I hope I won’t have to see you again.”

Kihyun laughs, his eyes turning into crescents.

“Me too!”

 

*****

 

  _10 years later_

 

“Kihyun!”

Kihyun turns around to see Changkyun, approaching him with his lips curved into a smile.

“Oh, hello Changkyun!” he says, smiling back.

“How are you? We haven't seen each other for a while.” Changkyun’s hair has grown so long that it almost covers his eyes, and he struggles to remove it off them to be able to look at Kihyun properly. “I've been in Europe for a while. My band and I have been playing there these months.”

“Oh.” Kihyun bites his lower lip. “I hope it went well, you and Minhyuk worked so hard for that band! I’ve started new photography projects recently, I’m positive I will be able to hold my own photo exhibition soon.”

Changkyun’s mouth turns into a perfect 'o', and Kihyun thinks he's cute. He's always been cute.

“That's so nice, Ki! I'm sure you'll do a great job.”

Kihyun wants to say something else but he's suddenly interrupted when a pair of arms surround his waist and he's pulled backwards, until his back collides against someone's chest and his head rests on his shoulder.

Kihyun looks up to see it's Hoseok, dark hair neatly combed and his round nose looking as boopable as ever.

“Hello, baby.” Hoseok says, smiling, and Kihyun curses internally because, honestly, he's still not over that smile. “Stop boring Changkyun!”

“Hey, I'm not boring him!”

Changkyun laughs out loud and shakes his head, looking at them.

“You guys haven't changed much.”

Kihyun opens his mouth to add something but Hoseok shuts him up with a kiss.

“Hey, hey, hey!” someone shouts from afar. “You guys can't kiss!”

Hoseok rolls his eyes and kisses him again with a short peck.

“Shut up, Jooheon!” he shouts, taking a step back and winking at Kihyun. “See you later, love.”

Kihyun nods and swallows the lump on his throat. So many people are arriving at the place and he's nervous. Squinting his eyes, he spots his parents and Hoseok’s sitting in the first row of chairs, chatting between themselves, and he's both, relieved and happy to see how easily they accepted it. His mother said she would have been surprised if he didn't up with Hoseok.

“Breath.” Changkyun says, patting his shoulder. “In and out man, you need to make it out alive from this!”

Kihyun wants to laugh but he can't because his stomach sinks when he sees Hoseok approaching them once again.

“Is he panicking again?” he asks, half-amused, half-worried. “Stop worrying, Ki. I told you everything would be fine.”

“I know.” A deep breath. “I know, I just-”

“Hey, Changkyun, did you know it was Kihyun who proposed in the first place?”

Changkyun laughs.

“It was Kihyun?” he asks, obviously interested in how that happened.

Hoseok nods, laughing, and dodges one of Kihyun’s punches.

“Actually, it was him. I remember it so vividly.” Kihyun wants to punch him again because he knows Hoseok won't shut up unless he has told the whole story, and Changkyun looks very much amused. “We were on a date. It was late and we were walking back home, hand in hand, and Kihyun’s cheeks were flushed because he had drunk a bit. He suddenly stopped in the middle of the street and looked at me very seriously and said _'do you remember it was here where we first kissed?'_ I obviously remembered, how could I even forget. Anyways, he started fidgeting on place and I got so nervous. He was making me so nervous. Then he just said _'do you want to marry me?'_ Honestly, I was so shocked. I really didn't see that coming. But it happened and look at us now!”

Changkyun laughs and Kihyun is blushing furiously, the memories from that night washing over him (the kisses, the touches, him inside Hoseok).

“Yeah.” Kihyun says, in the end, and grabs Hoseok’s hand to interlock their fingers. “And look at us now. We are getting married, aren't we?”

Hoseok nods.

“What if someone interrupt us though?” he asks.

“They can't. We are meant to be.”

“Oh, really?” Hoseok lifts an eyebrow. “How can you be so sure?”

Kihyun has to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

“Trust me, I _know_.”

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think ;_; ❤️
> 
> i am also here [twitter](https://twitter.com/kihovely) and here [cc](https://curiouscat.me/kihovely)


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